rachaelizabeth

www.rachaelizabeth.com is indeed www.rachaelizabeth.com and not www.rachaelizabeth.wordpress.com anymore :)

besides the whole heaven and hell thing, which is a valid point since we could die at any second (but not many people really live in that mind set), what is the point of christianity? why would i want to try to lead someone to christ?

it has to be about more than morality. no one looking at my trying-to-be-moral life is going to say, “oh, that’s what i need!”… no. that would just put limitations on them for no good reason. and people can live moral lives without jesus.

what is it about? i’ve been pondering this a bit here and there…

if someone asked me why i am a christian and what benefit it brings to my life, what would i say? the tid-bit of an answer i can quickly come up with right now is that it gives me something bigger than myself to trust in. (but trusting is a blessing and a curse at times, so it’s not all sunshine and daisies or whatever the saying is. but it’s real.) someone loving. someone like god. god, himself, who is the compilation of all things good and perfect. [which reminds me of the verse that all good and perfect things come down to us from the father of lights. (i like that he's a father. i need one.) but i probably wouldn't be quoting scripture at this point...] and all that goodness and perfection is for some reason directed towards me. like he aims it, he aims himself, at me. he gives himself to me. via jesus, because of what he did. so now we can be together forever. and i need what jesus did, because when i don’t trust, i mess everything up. and then i need him to fix everything and not punish me, like he should, because he’s god.

does god not punish anymore because jesus took the full punishment? so now the bad things that happen from us not being “moral” is just the natural consequence. like he told us not to touch the stove, but we did and got burned. so now he won’t spank us for it too? idk…

what is the point of everything?!?!?!!

as far as i can tell, god is love. and he wanted a family. a real family. not angels who have to serve him. but a real family who chooses to love him back. for real, if we saw him as he is, (if we didn’t explode), we’d fall on our faces and automatically worship him. but he wants us to want to love him. [like a woman (and who were we created after? ;)] so he created this blip in eternity, where we live life here on earth and can’t see him. where we get this chance to get to know him and choose him if we want. and then after that, if we have chosen him, we get to be with him forever as a family member, a son or daughter :)

in this blip called life there are many beautiful things…do we get distracted by them and love them or do we just see who they were created by and let them point to god who must be so beautiful and generous himself that he would create that thing in the first place for our enjoyment…

which taps me on the shoulder about something…i get sad when i think that someday me and mark won’t be together. because one of us will die and then even in heaven, there’s supposedly no marriage, so we won’t be togther. and i’m sure by then, we’ll be fine with it. being in the fullness of god and all…but at this point, it makes me sad. because i feel like i can’t get enough of him. maybe after a few decades with him, i’ll have gotten a little bit of my fill, but for now, it saddens me. i think this is normal. we naturally don’t want to die or be separated from our loved ones, but also, it stings a little bit in the jesus department. is jesus not really my all in all. everything is supposed to lead me to him and not be an end in themselves.

it’s hard to not hold on to this life. and want to strangle its neck and threaten it to give me what i want. but i can’t live like that. i have to trust and give it up. whoever holds on to his life will lose it, right? and whoever gives it up and trusts will find it. i want to trust. i think that’s where everything is. trusting. will we trust that there’s really this god out there, or right here, who’s with us even though we can’t see him and who has our best in his heart and actively acts on it? or will we sink like peter who looks at the waves and gets scared.  we need to train our spiritual eyes to see that jesus’ hand is right there to hold onto even when everything really does look bad. which makes me think of fasting. and makes me uncomfortable. but it makes sense. i need to weed out the things that try to get my attention. the number two or number three things that want to be number one. the created things that want to be worshipped rather than the creator.

what shall i fast? idk..maybe i’ll wait for something to click. haha, by the holy spirit, because he’s the god who’s with me. it just gets better and better. but maybe creepier and creepier to this so-called-person i’m trying to “witness” to (i dislike that phrase). but god thought of everything. i love that god is a father. there’s not much that i love more. a good father. and then there’s the spirit, who is with me, and i can feel him, even though i can’t see him. and there’s jesus in the middle who made it possible for me to experience and know both of them…did i mention they are all the same person though?

whatever.

relationship with god. sigh. it’s that simple? that’s the umbrella over all these details and weird spiritual things?

eternal life is to know him, the one true god. that sounds yummy.

whenever i feel or know him just a tiny bit more, it’s the best feeling in the world. everything is peaceful and makes sense and i am completely safe and loved. heaven is going to be great. even if mark is just my brother there.

father, keep bringing me to you and reveal yourself to my heart. <3