i just picked a book back up that i put down a year ago when mark and i started dating and i got excited and distracted…
the book is “emotionally healthy spirituality” by peter scazzero. i had only read like two chapters before, so i just opened it up to chapter 6 this time and started reading to see if it was the book for me to dive into at this point in my life…to see if it rang any bells.
well, it rang all of my bells in that one chapter.
man.
like it addresses all of my present problems. all of my problems stem from wrong thinking about life and god and myself.
i need to absorb that chapter…the whole book.
i want to change. for real, on the inside, where it counts.
makes me know i’m not ready for marriage right yet because i’m not ready for children and i can’t make sure 100% that i don’t get pregnant once i’m married. not that god wouldn’t provide, etc…but for now, i am thankful for this time. i need to change and grow and be redone, revamped, remade, rewired…everything needs to be redone in me. a whole new way of thinking and seeing and living.
lord, come and do this which you have presented to me. i agree to it. help me make the steps for this to really happen. i don’t just want to know about it and eventually forget about it as things get cloudy again. i want to increasingly grow in light. help me. every step of the way. nudge me when i hesitate or fall asleep or don’t know which way to go or focus. help me. come and do all the things that need to be done.
thank you for your severe mercy.
it’s lovely.
love you. (at least, i want to.)
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