rachaelizabeth

you are answering me!

you gave me a safe place with mark last night to just let everything out and it felt so ugly and raw and never ending and overwhelming and i felt more clear-headed and calm after but still kinda hanging with no truth.

but now! today! i have it all! THANK YOU! you spoke thru someone to me exactly what i needed to hear and then i opened this book today that entered my mind yesterday and it’s answering SO many things that came out of me yesterday, maybe ALL of them!

yesterday and the past few days may have been as rough as it gets, but it was worth it if your truth shines thru like it is! please continue, lord. keep me in your truth. i need it so much.

you do not have to compete for your father’s affection
you’re not alone
his eyes are on you

jacob, you dont have to dress yourself up like your brother to get a blessing from your father

when i don’t forgive my dad, “i shrink him to the size of what he did to me; he becomes the wrong he did to me.” (the art of forgiving, lewis smedes)

if giving someone an identity other than the one god gives them is cursing, then i am cursing my dad. and i do NOT want to curse my dad.  i want to bless him. i want him to find eternal life. (the ancient paths, craig hill)

if you honor someone for who they are and not what they have done (and if i need to honor my parents), then i need to honor my dad for who he is and not what he has done which is what forgiveness is. and the kingdom of god. which is the very opposite of the world and our natural inclination.

[from the ancient path's seminar:
honor defined:  decision to place high value, worth and importance on another person by viewing him as a priceless gift and granting him a position in my life worthy of great respect. basis of honor:  personhood, not performance.  identity, not behavior.

cycles of dishonor: (Deut. 5:16 - Honor your father and mother, as the Lord your God commanded you. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you. and Deut 27:16 - Cursed is anyone who dishonors father or mother.)]

so i’m cursed too when i don’t forgive!

cursing begets cursing.

jeesh. or i guess here i can say, jesus, i wanna forgive!

my birthday was wednesday.

it was good.

i don’t really feel like writing.

i got three new books in the mail that i’m excited about: the art of forgiveness, inviting god to your wedding, and the first year of marriage.

gonna go read.