I think I’ve given up on healing. I used to employ the things I’ve learned. I used “to go there” when something came up. it worked. or so I thought until I think, at some point along the way, I became tired and daunted by the fact that there. was. still. so. much. more. to. go. or deeper to go.
I’ve picked up “waking the dead” again and I’m just randomly re-reading different parts. this part stood out to me:
“it’s true, (rachael). you know you are very hard on your heart. you are not merciful with those broken places within you.”
which touches on things I’ve written here before.
since giving up on healing, which I just realized I think I’ve done, I’ve grown dull and more tired and I don’t “see” things anymore. I hear Jesus beckoning me less. because that’s what he used to beckon me to and open my eyes to. so seeing my brokenness and needing him = knowing him. which is a big biblical theme, I remember.
time to go back. time to review. time to reawaken. time to move forward. holding hands with my broken heart. tenderly. finding Jesus together.
sigh.
thankful.
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